Dong Vegan

You don’t know it yet, but you want to be among the Friends of the Dong — Dong Vegan, that is. The “glammest bitches London, Ontario has to offer” dropped a scorching-hot, three-songs-in-under-ten-minute yule log in December 2019 called YOU’RE BORING! And it is anything but. The title track is a scathing indictment of a class of sub-human familiar to anyone who lives in the greater Thames Valley area or knows anyone with a degree from UWO. The way vocalist/guitarist Jacqui Vexx bitterly asks what one can only assume is a stereotypical frat-boy econ major “Can you please stop talking to me cuz you’re an egomaniac and you’re freaking me out?” is not only funny but true. Anyone desperate to escape the plague of preppy conformity that infects major university and college communities like London will hear themselves echoed in Dong Vegan’s screaming individuality. “Boys pt. 2” sustains the vitriol against known-abuser “fuck boys” before the EP takes a more serious turn on “Broke & Ugly”: “I was an ugly boy wish I was pretty not jealous and annoyed,” sings Vexx on the a cappella introduction before adding, “Now I’ve grown up and I’m an ugly girl spun out frustrated and angry at the world.” It’s not easy being an individual in a world hell-bent on punishing and marginalizing you for it, but Dong Vegan sticks to their convictions; YOU’RE BORING! is converting new Friends of the Dong, eight-minutes at a time.

Aidan Saunders
B1GJuice EP